{post by Jena Coray, originally published on Miss Modish}
I’m gonna tell you a little story about competition and resentment, something I’ve never shared out on the interwebs before because it’s kind of a touchy subject, but… here goes!
When I started Modish, almost 6 years ago now, I had a real issue with what I then deemed my “bloggy nemesis”. Someone else started a very similar blog to mine (at the time) very soon after I did, and it seemed like every move I made from then on- every new addition or change of focus or new idea for expansion I would try- she would do the exact same thing 2 months later, without fail.
It felt like she was constantly nipping at my heels and I just could. not. let. it. go. because, well, it was INFURIATING! APPALLING! ANNOYING AS SHIT!
After a few years of dealing with the same person “doing this to me” over and over again- a person that, mind you, I had never met, never spoken to, never even communicated with really- I became so consumed in my resentment toward her for “copying me”, for stealing MY ideas, for taking credit that was due to ME, for edging in on MY community of people and MY niche- on stealing MY thunder!
And then I read A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle (I wrote about this exact subject a few years back after I first read his book) and there was a particular passage in it that shouted at me and made me realize- all of that “MY MY ME ME” stuff was really just my ego getting in my own damn way.
Imagine that.
Our ego is the part of us that wants to be seen. To be recognized, acknowledged and appreciated. The ego is that part of us that wants to be FIRST! BEST! ONLY!
So when we start to compare ourselves to others, or get caught up in competition or rivalry, it’s our ego that feels the affront. And it tries to combat that “affront” by arming us with feelings of resentment, envy, scorn, hatred, powerlessness, diminishment. Our ego wants us to fight! To claim our territory!
But in reality, the only person I had been fighting with the whole time, was myself. The person who was receiving the most hurt and pain from these horrible, negative emotions, was myself. The only person who I was stopping from doing anything or keeping stuck, was myself!
We can create our own misery simply by comparing ourselves to others.
When we try to keep score, keep up, get ahead, one up, be the best, be SEEN- we tend to focus all our energies on what our competition is doing, rather than on what we want for ourselves. We tend to lose sight of our own priorities and talents and direction and get derailed, ending up stuck in the muck and mire of our own negativity.
Now, looking back on that time as I was facing my “nemesis”, I honestly feel grateful for it because it spurred me on the path of finding my truest, most authentic way to present myself in this big ol’ world.
Competition itself is not the issue. It will always be there- in business, in relationships, in life. There will always be people around you who would rather duplicate, than originate, someone 10 steps ahead or nipping at your heels.
But they aren’t the problem. They will be forced to either fall off the wayside or find their own paths eventually, too… It’s how you perceive your competition, how you react to it, that changes how it affects your life.
From my experience, I’ve learned that competition doesn’t have to be an obstacle, it can actually be an absolute GIFT.
Competition is a spur for growth and an opportunity for change.
Competition helps you narrow-down, focus-in, refine.
Competition makes you strive, innovate and unleash your best efforts.
Competition helps you understand and uncover what is truly most unique about what you have to offer.
Competition strips superficiality and half-heartedness away, and sinks you down into your truest depths until you discover that what you’re putting out there is so uniquely and authentically you, that you have no real competition after all.
It can truly be a gift, if you just let yourself see it that way.
Have you let feelings of resentment or envy towards competition hinder you in the past? How are you going to shift your perspective and stop comparing yourself to others to be able to move forward and grow?
