I used to feel so off balance- constantly overwhelmed, out of sorts, feeling anxious and stressed, working working working my little tail off to the detriment of my own health & happiness, my relationships and what the hell is a social life?
I love LOVE my work (obviously) but I also love my husband, friends, animals, house, music, my garden, reading, movies, painting, photo taking, road-trips and a whole lot of other stuff that I wasn’t spending much time doing because I was always just “too busy” with work.
I hit a wall of overwhelm from life being all WORK all the time to the point where just getting out of bed in the mornings felt like a big accomplishment because it was the last thing I wanted to do. I was just too stressed out and knew I needed to get more LIFE back into the balance- soon!
That’s how we tend to think about balance, right? (probably Americans especially) That it’s some sort of ultimate achievement. It’s what we all seem to be striving for, to just “find a GOOD WORK/LIFE BALANCE”. Like, if only we could find it or figure it out, life would be so amazing! Cue the angelic horns, clouds parting and you feeling like you finally have a handle on everything!
That’s how it plays out in our daydreams, but that’s the only place it’ll ever happen. Balance is not something you are going to find, or a place you will ever arrive to.
Strike that idea of finding a work/life hunky-dory-morning-glory-equilibrium out of your mind because, to put it bluntly, that shit doesn’t exist! That idea of balance is impossible to achieve.
This is probably one of the only times I’ll use the word impossible, but in this case, it’s true. Think about what we’re trying to balance: work over here, life over there- those are two external things that are both totally outside our control. We never know what bump, roadblock or complete change of course will come at anytime to mess up our schedules, goals and good attempts at trying to balance it all.
We get so focused on balancing our work life with our home life, our family life with our friend life, our mom life with our wife life and all too often, in having to juggle all these different roles, we forget our own life and the things we deeply yearn for.
The things that thrill us, fill us, engage us, make us feel healthy and happy, that bring us back to this moment- that’s what we’re missing out on the most, often times. In our pie chart of time spent during the day, the thinnest sliver is often the one devoted to our own physical and mental wellbeing.
And I think that’s what makes us feel like we’re off balance. We’re trying to balance our responsibilities with our obligations with all the things we want to do, rather than focusing on balancing our own selves- from the inside out.
That’s the kind of balance that I’ve found is real, and is possible- an inner balance. Developing that solid yet flexible center within yourself will help you stay up on the board riding the waves of life, instead of toppling over inside them, constantly getting saltwater up your nose, or worst of all, drowning in them.
The more balance I can create in myself each day, the better I’m able to stay flexible thru the inevitable ups and downs of work, life and everything in between.
It’s through taking care of myself better, being less of a mean boss to myself, giving myself days off and respite, taking real breaks to move my body and eat good meals, not being so hard on myself, not dwelling on all the stuff I didn’t get done, pushing myself to try new things, striving to learn each day- the more I take the time to do those things, the the better I’m able to move and sway with whatever comes up, the happier I feel and the more I’m actually able to get done because I’m not wasting time being stressed out at every moment!
It’s about constantly shifting your balance where it needs to be for that moment, that day, that week- depending on what’s going on- and being able to do so from a place of groundedness, from a feeling of wholeness, so that you don’t get totally knocked down by whatever’s tipping the scales at the time.
If it’s balance you’re seeking, it starts with you. Inside your own mind and body.
It starts with balancing how much you give away of yourself by giving to yourself.
It starts with balancing how much time you spend in your comfort zone by stretching way beyond it.
It starts with balancing the negative and doubtful thoughts you tell yourself by moving forward anyway.
It starts with balancing the “have-tos”, “shoulds” and other people’s expectations by trusting and acting on your instincts.
That sense of balance you’re looking for is totally achievable, but you won’t find it anywhere “out there.” Look within.
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Check out Jen’s post on her blog, Becoming Balanced? For her take on balance and how she’s able to find some in her life.
Share your thoughts/tips/struggles around the idea of work/life balance on your blog too, and we’ll post a link right here for our readers to check out!
Readers say…
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Aimee from Print & Pretty got truthy about what balance means to her & shares some things she does to help restore it
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Shanna from SoCoDivka Designs shares how the idea of balance has been hitting her over the head the last few days as she’s seeking balance in life and work
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What do you think of the idea of work/life balance? Is it something you find yourself striving for?
What are you going to do to start better balancing your inner life so you can stress less and not feel spread so thin?
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ps: We share lots of tips and insight into how to create more time for our own needs and happiness in our Catalyst Course, so that we can all give our best selves to the world! The next round starts soon and inner-circle subscribers will get special first dibs registration at a discount, so be sure to get on the list if you’re interested!
As usual, right on target my dears! I’ve been following Joanna Goddard’s posts on Work/Life/Mom balance with some interest also.
This is such a constant battle for me since I’m working 30+ hours at my “day” job, trying to get my own biz going during nap time and after my son’s bedtime, being a mom, a wife, etc. There is just simply not enough hours in the day and days of the week for everything to get done, and my own time for myself that is NOT taking care of one of the above, is often the first thing to get tossed.
It’s a constant daily/weekly juggle-sometimes this takes priority over that or vice versa. I’m trying to not let myself feel guilty for not being able to do EVERYthing I think I should be. Obviously I’m not always successful at that, but I think it’s important to cut ourselves a break. I try to make sure to include the things I enjoy, even if it’s just a very little bit a few times a week: reading, just chilling out and watch a movie, go to the gym, get outside, etc.
I find that taking a little bit of time more often keeps me much more sane than taking an entire weekend or large chunk of time every once in awhile. By that time, I’m already wiggin’ out! Prevention baby!
Thanks Nichole! Ooh, I’ll have to check out Joanna’s series, didn’t know about it. I know how hard it is to balance it all, esp. when lots of your time is going to a dayjob you don’t necessarily want but need at the moment- I know what that feels like. Giving yourself more of a break is a big part of finding more balance, definitely agree with you. Glad to hear you’re doing that more and taking little bits of each day for yourself- you need that! We all do! Keep it up, awesome Nichole! -jena
I think women especially leave themselves to last. We are being a wife, mother, daughter, friend and employee. Then we are “trying to fit in” being an artist and business person. Learning about art and business, putting it into practice. Doesn’t leave much.
I find when I get sick, it is my body’s way of saying I need to take time out. To watch DVD’s, read art magazines, catch up on sleep. Just a few days to recharge and I seem to be so much more on top of everything. All work and no play makes it no fun for anyone.
I love the last part of your post Jena. Giving to yourself. Stretching past your comfort zone. Moving forward even when you are scared. Trusting your instincts. Looking within. I don’t know if it helps find me balance, but I feel like I grow so much as a person when I live like this. I feel more fulfilled. Like what I am doing has a reason and a purpose.
Hi Coral! Oh I agree that women especially leave ourselves last- it’s understandable, but not great for us in the long run. And I know what you mean about getting sick to force yourself into a break- that used to happen to me quite often. I’ve been able to stave off sickness for awhile tho it seems taking better care of myself! Amazing how that happens :)
Thanks for the kind words about the post. I love what you said about all those things helping you to grow and feel more fulfilled and with purpose- that’s what we hope everyone can get a sense of more! The best feeling in the world! Thanks so much for sharing with us. -jena
[...] blog and on our personal blogs, switching off from week to week. Here’s where you can find Jena’s post about balance and mine is [...]
Jena, you definitely hit the nail on the head with your final statement: “…It’s about constantly shifting your balance where it needs to be for that moment, that day, that week – depending on what’s going on…”
To me it’s a see-saw cycle between one focus and another. When I spend to long working on creative things I reach a point when I get stuck/blocked and I know it’s time to switch gears and focus on mundane/practical/physical things. Also, unlike having a ‘proper’ job, I don’t have fixed hours or working schedule/routine, so rather my focal length lasts weeks and months rather than hours or days. It’s seasonal. I am only really now getting a handle on this rhythm and accepting this pattern is part of the course. Acceptance of it brings it’s own sense of groundedness, calm and ‘balance’.
Thank you Jena. Well said :)
Hi Beka, Thank you so much for the great feedback, I appreciate it! I love what you said about a see-saw cycle- that’s a great analogy. We refer to it as a teeter-totter in the video we have coming up Thursday on balance, too! I agree that acceptance of our own personal rhythms and the idea of balance being different in each moment is really what’s going to help us get to that state of calm. Acceptance cures many ailments! :) Glad to hear you’re finding and listening to your own rhythm. Thanks again for reading and sharing your thoughts with us here! -jena
[...] s1.parentNode.insertBefore(s, s1); })(); EmailOver on The Maven Circle blog’s Truthy Tuesday post, Jena asks: What do you think of the idea of work/life balance? Is it something you find [...]